On Mother's Day.

To My Mom.
This will be my third Mother's Day without you.

I feel so fortunate to have had such a close relationship with you. We left few details out, having talked everyday.  Your death was so unexpected and sudden. I am comforted knowing that we  had very little left unsaid.

There are just a few things that I would like you to know. I think about you every day. I am so sad to not have you here with me, but so relieved that you do not have to see and experience Dad's dramatic decline. It would break your heart. If you only knew just how much he adored you and relied on you.

I miss your smell of Chanel #5 mixed with Oil of Olay. I have such sweet memories of drinking that in when I was little and we would watch movies while you tickled my tummy, my neck and back...didn't your hands almost fall off? I loved how we would lay on the bed making jewelry, talking about boys and fashion. I loved how you moved the house around constantly and made such an amazing home wherever we had to move because of the church. I miss your soft shoulders that hugged all worries out and left love behind.

I miss your funny sayings and wisdoms. I love that in such a confined life as a preacher's wife you still found a way to be yourself----free and sassy, loving every kind of person with the same bravado. Not just the important people. I wish you knew how many people you affected and made smile and feel good about themselves.

I wish you knew how much of you I have in me, I love decor, flowers, babies and my friends. I love my family more than you can imagine, and just like you I can be sensitive because my heart is wide open to those I love. I wish you were here longer to know Guy and Ella. They are such a special addition to my life. Guy is the man of my dreams. You would have been so happy.

Just so you know  the "truths" you used to proclaim.....that everyone made fun of....most of them have been proven TRUE! Mom, OJ really might be innocent!

You were  beautiful, funny, sometimes scared, naughty, smart and full of beautifully juxtaposed pieces that made you different from anyone I have ever known...you are so irreplaceable

You gave all of yourself to your family and devoted yourself to Dad. You supported us with all of your heart and had so many BIG DREAMS for us.

I wish that I could show you our home. You would be so excited to see your beautiful prizes carefully blended into our life.

Well, I could truly go on for days remembering all of our good times and bad times and the way that we always gravitated back to each other over and over again.

So, I will end for now with the very last words you spoke to me.

" Darlin' that Rusty Clyde is a PURE jack-ass.....and your husband is a PURE saint"

Mama, you were right about that too.

XOXOXO,

Susan